i’ll never be on a forbes 30 under 30 list—and maybe that was God’s grace

i didn’t just miss the milestones. i missed the point. grace had something better in mind. i'll explain...

in this season of transition, i feel like i’m following divine breadcrumbs—pulling threads at anything and everything and connecting dots left and right. everyday, words that i’ve read a thousand times are jumping off the pages at me and asking me to dig deeper.

i’ve gotten serious about following the divine breadcrumbs and the threads that are sticking out to me—because i don’t want to miss anything in this season.

on the outside, my days are what we call non-aesthetic—i sit in my sweatshirts, hair up in a messy bun, doing the everyday tasks: sending out sales emails, preparing instagram posts, tackling client work...

but in the spirit realm—it’s like there’s this beautiful mystery unfolding. i’m finding clues that lead to other clues, connecting dreams to scriptures, and scriptures to whispers. and it’s all forming a mosaic i couldn’t have imagined on my own.

i can feel it, i can see it—there’s so much movement happening in the unseen realm.

after reading in hebrews 11 about God opening noah’s heart to revelation, i’ve been praying that every day:

"Lord, open my heart to revelation..."

i’ve become intentional about what i do before bed—making space and opening the door for the Lord to speak to me through my dreams. meditating on the Word, reflecting on what God is revealing in this season, and paying attention to the threads that keep reappearing.

today, that thread was 2 timothy 2:1:

"live your life empowered by God’s free-flowing grace, which is our true strength, found in the anointing of Jesus and your union with him."

everything about this verse echoes what the Holy Spirit has been whispering to me—and what He’s been revealing in my dreams.

one dream, in particular, keeps resurfacing.

the dream with the guru and the charcoal. if you didn't read it yet, you can read it here.

in the dream, the guru gave me charcoal with healing properties that could only be activated by water. i was going to go into the bathroom in order to sprinkle some water on the charcoal, but the guru didn't let me in. instead, he brought the moveable shower head to me and sprinkled water to activate the charcoal before putting it in my mouth. i took my retainer out and placed the charcoal on the roof of my mouth—and immediately, my body started having a visceral reaction. the guru came by my side, held my face, kept my mouth open and said, "this is what it's supposed to do. just wait it out."

intense, i know. again, go read the whole dream and unpacking—because it's not just about me. it's about you, too.

when i first started unpacking this dream, i felt like—

the guru bringing the showerhead with water to me was grace. grace meeting me where i’m at. unexpected grace—cleansing me of old filters and mindsets that had been prohibiting me from rising to new levels—levels where i was capable of experiencing the fulfillment of dreams. ultimately, grace was healing me.

reading 2 timothy made me want to continue unpacking the dream and the idea of God's grace—"living your life empowered by God’s free-flowing grace," which the apostle paul calls "our true strength," found "in the anointing of Jesus and our union with him."

i think several things are interesting:

1. THE DREAM WASN'T ABOUT EARNING ACCESS—

i wasn't allowed in the bathroom, where the water was—the very thing that could activate the charcoal that would cleanse me, heal me, and commission me. i thought i needed access in order to become clean and empowered—but, i didn't. grace met me. i didn't chase it, i didn't earn it—i experienced it because of my relationship with the guru (the Holy Spirit).

and today, this hit me so hard.

because if i'm being honest with myself and with you, outside of the grief, i think so much of my disappointment has come from the pressure of unmet expectations. i didn’t accomplish certain things in my 20s or early 30s that i thought would validate me.

growing up in the girlboss era, we were conditioned to chase after milestones: forbes 30 under 30, new york times bestseller by 29, multi-millionaire by year three. and when i didn’t hit those things (or, let’s be real—didn’t even come close), i didn’t just feel behind. i felt average. disqualified. invisible.

then, just as i was questioning everything, life interrupted. i quit almost everything i was building to help take care of my dad when he was diagnosed. and when we didn’t get the miracle, and he went home to heaven 46 days later, something inside me broke. disappointment washed over me and took everything with it. my hope. my momentum. my faith in what was possible.

i didn’t believe anymore.

this loss, this heartbreak—it didn’t just delay me. it emptied me. and i didn’t know how to come back from that. depression took over. i felt like it was too late. like i’d missed the rooms i was supposed to be in. like i no longer had what it took.

but this dream—when i unpack it through scripture—it’s flipping everything upside down.

it’s not about getting in the right room.

it’s about being available for union.

it’s not about access.

it’s about alignment.

i kept thinking i had to find the door.

but the Holy Spirit is reminding me:

union is the access.

i've been standing at the door of the "bathroom," thinking that's where transformation and influence is unleashed—believing that space, whether it's Forbes, the NYT, a stage, a platform, or some gatekept room, is what qualifies me. but it's not.

my dreams, my calling, my life—they aren't dependent on earning access to the rooms i once admired. they are dependent on becoming so aligned, so intertwined with God, that i no longer need to knock.

i don’t need an invitation to those rooms. God brings the power to me—because of my union with Him.

this truth echoes everything the Holy Spirit has been highlighting to me in this season: intimacy over image, alignment over achievement, union over striving. it’s like every revelation is circling back to this one core invitation—draw near, stay close, and let grace do the heavy lifting.

in this season of transition, i can't help but feel like i'm not the only one who needed this reminder.

maybe the transition you need isn’t about striving to enter new rooms, but about trusting that grace already knows where you are and will meet you where you are.

maybe you’ve been standing outside a space, believing it holds your worth—when in reality, God is bringing everything you need to you. not because you earned it, but because you’re His— you've been chosen, purposed, and anointed to do something great.

maybe it’s not about being seen by the right people—but being found in the right posture.

and maybe that’s where the shift begins: not with a breakthrough moment, but with a quiet return to union.

2. GRACE DIDN'T JUST BRING HEALING, IT BROUGHT ACTIVATION—

if i'm being honest with you (and myself), i didn’t think i needed healing. not really. not deeply. i told myself, “you just need to adjust your mindset. get over the disappointment. choose faith. push through.”

but the dream confronted all of that.

it didn’t just reveal what was buried—it convicted me.

i need healing.

not surface-level, self-help healing. heart-deep, soul-level restoration.

the past five years have unraveled me in ways i never expected. when we received my dad’s diagnosis, we were still catching our breath—my abuelita had just gone to heaven, and my mom had barely survived a health crisis the doctors thought she wouldn’t come out of. we had already been through the fire.

and then, to lose my dad—the steady one, the anchor of our family—it shattered something in me.

i didn’t just lose him. i lost my momentum. i lost my sense of certainty. i lost my voice for a while. and until the dream, i didn’t even realize how much of my story had been muted by grief.

this dream was God saying: “i see what's been buried by disappointment and hearbreak and i’m ready to bring it back to life.”

grace met me where i was—

not to rescue me out of the pain, but to sit with me in it. to cleanse what i didn’t even know had built up. to restore what had been muted.

grace didn’t just heal me. it held me. it kept my mouth open long enough for the fire to do its work.

and when the shaking stopped, what remained wasn’t just a healed version of me. it was a commissioned one. not with applause or platform—but with a clean mouth, a clear voice, and a purified gift.

paul’s words in 2 timothy suddenly made perfect sense: we’re meant to live empowered by God’s free-flowing grace—not our performance, not our grit, not our strength.

i don’t have to be strong. i don’t have to fix myself. i don’t have to chase the promise.

i just have to stay in union.

i just have to stay open to grace.

the healing was painful, the activation was painful— but, pain wasn't the point. power was. power that could only flow through a purified vessel.

so, here's my question:

be honest with yourself—what area of your life is crying out for healing? where do you need to surrender control so the Holy Spirit can move? what mindsets? what habits? what brokenness?

what old wounds are keeping you from being a purified vessel God can move through? what fears, disappointments, and insecurities are keeping your gifts hidden and dormant?

i want to challenge you: invite God into those spaces. identify them. surrender them. offer them up to God on the altar—and let Him heal you so He can activate what’s been waiting.

let God meet you on the floor, in the shaking— because, what's coming next is too powerful to sit on an unhealed foundation. and you cannot release what’s inside of you if you're still wounded by disappointment, fear, insecurity, comparison, or carrying the residue of old seasons.

3. influence starts on the floor of your own process

i had a seizure one time while i was in ecuador. the story is actually quite iconic—the timing couldn’t have been more ridiculous. my best friend had just woken up the whole house after a dream about aliens zapping us, and moments later, i hit the ground—seizing. with my body shaking uncontrollably, she pointed at me and said, "see! i told you!" her husband stood there, mouth open, frozen in disbelief. when we're all together, it’s become one of our favorite stories—equal parts terrifying and hilarious.

but in the dream with the guru, i was seizing again. i hit the floor—just like before. but this time, it wasn’t chaotic. it was sacred.

it was there—on the floor, completely undone and overwhelmed—that the healing began. that the activation began.

when i was in a mess. far from perfect. far from polished. heaven met me.

how often do we believe that influence only happens when everything is curated?

when the audience is ready. when the brand is polished. when the message is clear.

then, maybe, we feel worthy: to show up.

to be seen.

to stand on the platform.

to be recognized.

but what if influence doesn’t start in the spotlight? what if it begins in surrender? what if the moment your knees hit the ground is the moment heaven leans in?

what if the floor is the very place God starts building the voice He wants to use?

we see it all throughout the Bible—

in the low places, under the pressure, in the crushing—that’s where influence is formed.

david was shaped in the fields and the caves while running for his life from a king who wanted to murder him, long before he ever received his crown.

joseph was shaped in a prison, interpreting dreams for fellow prisoners and guards, before he ever advised a king.

esther was shaped in fasting and hidden obedience, under the threat of death, before she ever entered the palace to change a nation.

the Bible shows us: godly influence starts low. in the pressing. on the floor.

as believers, we love the idea of "new wine"—but the reality is, it’s made in the press. it’s not glamorous. it’s messy. it’s heavy. it’s slow. and it happens low—on the ground.

the grapes don’t look glorious while they’re being crushed. but what they produce? sacred.

and oil—before it ever anointed kings or healed wounds or lit lamps—it had to be crushed.

oil and wine both flow through pressure.

and so will you.

the floor of your process—the place where you’ve wept, questioned, surrendered—is the exact place where God has been forming depth, purity, and power.

being low doesn’t mean you’re behind. it means you’re becoming.

the floor isn’t a detour. it’s the holy ground of your becoming.

nothing is wasted at the altar.

every tear, every "not yet,” every disappointment—it’s all producing oil. not just for you, but for others. it’s preparing you to carry influence and power.

so when you rise, you’re not just carrying a message. you’re carrying weight.

kingdom weight.

the crown. the platform. the message. the idea. the movement.

I'LL LEAVE YOU WITH THIS

this season, as frustrating as it's been for so many of us, i truly believe God is trying to do something.

we might not see it with our natural eyes right now— but the movement is happening in the spirit.

and it’s up to us to tune in. to draw close. to be aligned.

it’s up to us to ask: “God, open my heart to revelation.” it’s up to us to follow the divine breadcrumbs, to pull the threads, to stay open.

it’s up to us to live connected to God— so we can receive unexpected grace right where we are. and from that grace, receive healing… release old filters and disappointments… and step into the identity He’s calling us into.

not just healed—but activated. not just whole—but walking in holy confidence.

this transition? it’s not just about what God can do. it’s about where we choose to position ourselves.

if we want to level up, if we want to adopt new identities, we have to get low.

we have to get on the floor.

we have to embrace the discomfort— not because pain is the goal, but because it’s the purifier. the refiner. the holy reset that leads us forward in power.

this season isn’t an accident.

so if things have stopped, if things have slowed down, don’t panic. don’t spiral. don’t shut down.

get curious.

ask God:

"what are you doing? what are you trying to show me? open my heart to revelation. speak to me in my waking hours. speak to me in my dreams. i’m ready to receive— healing, restoration, a new identity, and power through your free-flowing grace.”

and if you're reading this—here’s your reminder:

you don’t have to strive. you don’t have to perform. you don’t need outside access to become empowered.

grace is coming to you—filling you with power.

your roadmap to success isn’t about what you do or what rooms you enter. it’s about being in union with God and positioned to receive His free-flowing grace.

God is flipping the script in your story. everything that’s going to happen next will be countercultural. it will go against the grain of what society told you to pursue.

pursue God. pursue closeness. pursue alignment. everything else will follow.

God will do for you what you could never do on your own. He will open doors no one else can.

grace will activate you and unleash healing, so what comes next is built on wholeness—not brokenness or disappointment.

don't despise this moment or this season.

more is happening than meets the eye—something sacred.

heaven is meeting you here—in the mess, in the moment where your knees hit the ground.

you're exactly where you need to be—

grace is free-flowing, ready to be your strength for what comes next.

your process hasn't been a delay, it's been a divine pressing—producing divine oil and anointing.

what was dormant is about to come to life—and you’ll see it with your own eyes.

don't back down now. lean in. heaven is here.

xx lindsey eryn

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