i had a dream about a guru, charcoal, and a holy seizure

yes, it was divine. yes, it was violent. no, i wasn’t ready.

lately, i’ve felt like i’m standing between two versions of myself—the one i’ve outgrown and the one i’m still becoming. it’s disorienting. things that used to work don’t. the clarity i once had feels cloudy. and i know i’m not alone.

in this season of transition, i feel very strongly that if i want to transition properly—if i want to walk into the next chapter with clarity, wholeness, and authority—then i have to make space... not just space for the assignment. space for God. space for study. for learning. for reflection. for becoming.

lately, i’ve been doing more than just noticing the repeated themes in my life. i’ve been pulling their threads and asking, where is this trying to lead me? what is God trying to show me beneath the surface of the pattern?

yesterday, i read hebrews 11:1. i’ve read it so many times, but this time, one phrase wouldn’t let me look away: “faith opened noah’s heart to receive revelation…”

i sat with that line longer than expected. because here's the thing—if we want to walk through transition well and experience breakthrough, we have to be open to receive. not just open to blessings—because let’s be honest, that’s usually what we pray for. but open to revelation. to insight. to correction. to purification. to healing. to freedom.

and sometimes, that kind of openness comes with discomfort. which is exactly when most of us say, “this can’t be God!”

but this season for me? it’s been what i lovingly call “uncomfy.”

things that used to flow don’t. systems that used to work feel foreign. and i, myself, feel unfamiliar to myself.

at first, i blamed it on everything around me. the algorithm. the market. the people. the timing. but eventually, i felt God whisper: “quit that. this is me. i’m moving you out of what’s familiar because you won’t move yourself.”

the transition isn’t asking me to hustle harder. it’s calling me higher. not through effort, but through surrender.

so i’ve been praying something bold:

“God, open my heart to receive revelation. show me what you want me to know so that i can step forward with grace and courage.”

WARNING: don’t pray that unless you’re ready to act on what He shows you. because once you know—you’re responsible to follow through.

i’m realizing now that this transition isn’t just about stepping into something new. it’s about stepping into someone i’ve always been:

the identity i’ve tiptoed around.

the title i’ve been too shy to claim.

the calling i’ve quietly carried.

your name isn’t earned—it’s given

God doesn’t name us based on our performance—He names us based on His purpose.

i’ve been praying to step into my unfiltered identity. to strip away the parts of me that try to control the process. to stop performing and just be who God already said i am. to stop filtering myself through broken beliefs and systems.

some of those beliefs? they didn’t show up all at once. they snuck in slowly—through insecurity, disappointment, heartbreak, and delayed outcomes. they came disguised as logic, self-protection, realism. but they weren’t from God. they were lies of the enemy, crafted to keep me small, silent, and exhausted.

and i didn’t even want to admit i was functioning from them. but if i’m being honest—like, hooked-up-to-a-lie-detector honest— they’ve shaped how i’ve moved. how i’ve seen myself. how i’ve shown up.

so i’ve had to confront them—one by one:

• “i have to earn my worth” → no, my worth is already established.

• “i’m overlooked, i have to fight for my place” → no, i’ve been set apart and favor follows obedience.

• “i missed my moment” → no, my timing is divine, not delayed.

• “i have to be visible to be successful” → no, i don’t chase visibility, i chase alignment—and that’s what creates real impact.

this is what it looks like to renew your mind. to pull out the lies and replace them with truth. to let God rewrite the scripts you’ve been living under—so you can finally live free.

where inner work meets divine affirmation

in my waking life, i’ve been doing the inner work. and in my sleep? the Holy Spirit has been confirming things.

lately, my dreams have felt like divine breadcrumbs—reminding me that i’m not off track, even when everything feels unfamiliar. and last night… the dream was intense.

i was at a man’s house—he had this quiet, guru-like presence. we were talking about charcoal and how it has healing and detoxifying properties. he handed me some and instructed me to place it in my mouth.

but before i did, i had to take out my retainer— a literal filter. something that holds things in place, keeps structure, restricts movement. i removed it.

he wouldn’t let me enter his bathroom, so instead, he brought the moveable showerhead to sprinkle the charcoal with water.

“this is what activates it,” he said.

i placed it in my mouth, pressed it to the roof behind my teeth. and suddenly, my body began to react— seizing, shaking, overwhelmed by what was activating in my mouth. i fell to the ground and panicked. but he held my mouth open and calmly said, “this is what it’s supposed to do. just wait it out.”

the message inside the dream

i woke up shaken. but not scared. just… in awe of how specific God can be when He wants to speak to us.

here’s what i know:

• charcoal represents healing and purification—but only when it’s activated.

• water represents the Spirit, surrender, divine presence.

and the fact that i had to remove my retainer first? that one hit me in the gut—(b/c remember: i’ve literally been praying about filters.)

this dream made it clear: the healing, the revelation, the transformation i’ve been asking for—it’s already in my hands. but it requires removing the filter, activating it with water, and staying present through the discomfort.

even when it feels like a breakdown, it might actually be a detox.

in the tension, something holy begins

if you’re in a similar season—where things don’t feel like they used to, where the familiar isn’t working, where your identity is shifting— i want you to know: you’re not off track. you’re in formation.

don’t resist the discomfort. don’t run from the detox. don’t curse the pain if it’s coming with purpose.

you asked to grow. you asked to be used. you asked to be aligned. and God, in His mercy, is answering you. even if it feels like He’s holding your mouth open while everything shakes inside of you.

this is what it’s supposed to do. just wait it out.

and the dream—well, it won’t let go of me. because it wasn’t just imagery. it was instruction. and i think maybe you need it too.

when i placed the charcoal in my mouth, it didn’t just sit there. my body reacted—strongly.

i seized. i trembled. i fell to the ground. it felt violent, but it was divine.

detox—whether physical, emotional, or spiritual—is uncomfortable. your body (and your soul) will respond when something toxic is being removed. it may feel like death before it feels like freedom.

but in the dream, the guru held my mouth open and said,

“this is what it’s supposed to do. just wait it out.”

i keep replaying that moment. not because it scared me— but because it taught me something:

you’re not being harmed.

you’re being healed.

you’re not being punished.

you’re being purified.

this is the process. and pain is part of it.

and when we’re in transition, isn’t that sometimes the reminder we need?

because what we’re facing— it’s not comfortable. especially when things stop working. when people are removed from our lives. when we lose the job, the plan, the momentum.

it’s easy to panic. to let our emotions take over. to assume we’ve done something wrong— and scramble to fix it.

but what if it’s not about fixing? what if, in the middle of the messy transition, God is whispering:

“this is what’s supposed to be happening. just wait it out.”

the purification always precedes the platform

in isaiah 6, the prophet has a vision of heaven. he’s undone—completely overwhelmed by his own unworthiness. and in response, a an angel seraphim flies to him with a burning coal, touches his lips, and says:

“see, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away and your sin atoned for.”

fire purifies.

so does charcoal.

so does the hand of God when He touches your mouth and says, you’re clean. now speak.

and this dream? it felt like that.

in isaiah’s story, right after that moment— comes the iconic line everyone loves to quote:

“whom shall I send? who will go for us?” and isaiah says, “here i am. send me.”

but look closer.

before he was sent, isaiah had to confront the filter he saw himself through. he had to endure the pain of purification. he had to let the coal touch what he thought was unusable in order to be usable.

do you see where i’m going with this?

we love the idea of being sent. of stepping into the divine assignment. the calling. the breakthrough. the platform. the impact.

but we don’t always want the part that comes before it. the discomfort. the purification. the inner work. the surrender.

and yet—that’s the part that makes us ready. the assignment is real, but it requires a version of you that has been refined.

in my dream, the charcoal wasn’t effective on its own. it had to be activated. and how was it activated? water.

this dream wasn’t random. it was layered. and when i pulled the thread, three truths came into focus:

1. healing doesn’t happen by knowledge alone. it’s activated through presence.

you can have all the tools. all the strategies. you can quote scripture. know theology. listen to sermons. but if you don’t commune with the Spirit— if you don’t make space to actually abide in Christ— then the knowledge stays dormant.

the power is in the activation.

in John 15, Jesus says,

“abide in me, and I in you. apart from me, you can do nothing.”

not “know about me.” not “memorize my words.” but abide. dwell. remain. live with. build your life inside of Me.

because that’s what activates transformation. not performance. not intellectual grasp. not religious routine. presence.

think about the pool of bethesda in John 5. the man didn’t just stand near the edge. he didn’t dip a toe in. he got in—when the waters were stirred by the Spirit.

and that’s what we have to do. we have to stir the Spirit in our own lives. we have to be willing to step into the waters when God moves— even if we’ve been stuck for a long time. even if it’s uncomfortable. even if it requires faith to believe that something can still be healed.

you can sit next to revelation for years and never be changed by it. you can know where the healing lives and still refuse to enter in. but when the Spirit stirs—when God invites you to abide, to respond, to activate— don’t just observe. get in.

2. charcoal = raw material. water = divine touch.

charcoal on its own? it’s inert. it has the capacity to purify, to heal, to absorb what’s toxic— but it can’t do anything until it’s activated.

it’s potential just… sitting there. and that’s where a lot of people stay. they know they’re gifted. they feel the call. they sense that there’s more for them— but they never let God touch it.

they keep the fire at a safe distance. they talk about transformation instead of surrendering to it. they wait for certainty. or confidence. or “the right time.”

but charcoal doesn’t come alive on its own. and neither will you.

the charcoal is limited on its own. and so are we. we need the divine touch.

you’ve been carrying the ingredients for transformation— but the question is: will you let God activate them? will you let Him touch what you’ve been keeping hidden? will you give Him access to the parts of you that feel too raw, too risky, too unready?

because the truth is— your potential means nothing without presence. your gifts can stay dormant for decades. your healing can stay theoretical. your calling can stay locked behind fear and control.

charcoal needs water. you need God’s touch.

this is your invitation. and it comes with a choice: do you want to stay full of potential? or do you want to be set in motion?

3. the water came from the showerhead—because i wasn’t allowed in the bathroom.

that detail stunned me when i woke up. the bathroom was too sacred. too clean. i wasn’t permitted inside.

but instead of shutting the door and leaving me outside, he brought the water to me.

he met me where i was. he didn’t say, “come back when you’re clean.” he didn’t say, “you should’ve known better by now.” he didn’t withhold healing because i hadn’t earned access to the sacred space.

he brought the sacred to me.

that’s grace. unexpected. undeserved. unstoppable. not because we worked for it— but because He wanted to give it anyway.

and maybe you’ve felt that too. like you’re standing on the outside of something holy. you see others inside the sacred space, and you wonder if your moment passed. if you missed the open door. if your mess disqualified you.

but let this remind you: even when we don’t feel ready, even when we don’t feel worthy, God comes to us. He activates healing anyway. He doesn’t wait for perfection—He brings purification to the place you’re standing.

because… purification requires presence. healing requires surrender. and potential? it requires activation.

you’re not just being moved—you’re being elevated

and if you’re in a season of transition right now, let this be your confirmation: God isn’t just trying to move you from one place to another. He’s trying to move you higher.

but higher doesn’t mean busier. it doesn’t mean shinier, louder, or more visible.

higher means deeper. higher means closer. higher means becoming more like Him— in character, in calling, in trust, in obedience.

to move higher, you often have to go deeper. and going deeper means letting go— of pride. of performance. of old patterns. of filters you didn’t even realize were shaping how you saw yourself.

it means making space— not just for the next assignment, but for the One who gives the assignment. not just for clarity, but for communion.

you don’t just need a breakthrough. you need to be broken open, so what’s inside of you can finally come alive.

this is what higher looks like:

• stepping into your identity—before you feel ready.

• walking in your authority—even if your voice shakes.

• aligning with your calling—not just in theory, but in action.

• saying yes to your purpose, your design, your destiny—even when the path feels unclear.

• letting God sharpen your character, stretch your capacity, and deepen your faith.

• trusting Him even when the process doesn’t make sense and feels overwhelming.

because it’s not about understanding every step. it’s about trusting the One who is shaping you through it.

this part’s for you

and that moment—where the guru held my mouth and said “just wait, this is what it’s supposed to do”— i believe that’s for you, too.

because in a world that treats pain as a sign that something’s wrong, God often uses it as a sign that something sacred is happening.

the season that you are in isn’t a breakdown. it’s a detox. it’s not regression. it’s realignment. and you’re not being destroyed. you’re being prepared.

this is how God works. He doesn’t always remove the discomfort. He strengthens you in it. He reassures you through it. and sometimes, He holds you open when you’d rather shut down.

so if you’re in a season that doesn’t make sense…

if it feels like nothing is working and everything is unraveling…

don’t run. pull the thread. ask God what He’s trying to show you. ask Him to open your heart to receive revelation. and then—stay still long enough to let the activation happen.

this is holy ground—even if it doesn’t feel like it. this tension, this transition, this detox— it’s preparing you for the weight of what’s next.

so take the coal. take the water. take the discomfort. and let it make you ready.

xx lindsey eryn

---

love what you’re reading?

this substack is reader-supported, so if you want to keep getting my musings, plus a little extra, become a subscriber. choose the free option if you’re just here for the ride, or throw me a few bucks ($5/month) if you want to support the work and get bonus content delivered straight to your inbox. trust me, it’s worth it.

---

book a coaching call

feeling pulled in different directions during this season of transition? you don’t have to figure it out alone. if you’re ready to move from feeling stuck to seeing the path forward with clarity and confidence, let's get to work.

book a coaching call with me, and let’s break down the overwhelm, find your next step, and make this transition the breakthrough moment you’ve been waiting for. your next chapter starts now.