i kept showing up while something inside me shut down
I’m not going to overthink this one. I’ve started this substack five different ways already, and honestly—I just want to talk to you.
This year has been a rollercoaster for a lot of us.
I’ll tell you flat-out: this wasn’t my most successful year in business. But it was the most significant year spiritually and emotionally. And for me, that matters more than any metric.
Many of you know that on Christmas Day 2021, my dad went to heaven. The 46 days before that were spent fighting for his life. Everything else stopped. I kept my design studio running because it paid the bills—but beyond that, I disappeared.
The truth is, I didn’t just lose my dad.
I lost myself.
For the next four years, it felt like I was buried alive under disappointment—trying to “move on” without ever being healed.
This year changed that.
I’m crying writing this because God has been so kind. When I look at who I am now—the belief I carry, the hope, the confidence, the creativity—it’s a miracle. There’s no other explanation. God went into the hidden places. The places no one else saw. The places that needed real healing.
Throughout the year, I’ve written about what I’ve been learning and walking through. Back in May, I started having vivid dreams—over and over—and I knew God was using them to lead me through healing:
exposing layers of disappointment
removing filters that kept me from showing up fully
restoring identity
purifying my heart so I could carry what He’s entrusted to me
Then in October, right before heading back to Tulsa, something shifted—physically, emotionally, spiritually. My fire came back. I felt released and commissioned to step into my divine assignment again.
Here’s what I’ve realized:
We don’t talk about healing from disappointment enough.
We just tell ourselves to “move on.”
But you can’t move on from disappointment—you have to be healed from it.
Maybe you’re carrying disappointment from:
a career that didn’t work out—even though you did everything “right”
a dream that stalled and made you wonder if you heard God wrong
a relationship that broke and left you carrying unanswered whys
a timeline that didn’t unfold, so now you’re pretending you’re fine with where you are
the quiet disappointment you don’t talk about because you don’t want to sound ungrateful
And if you’re reading this thinking, “I don’t know if this counts as disappointment—I’m still functioning, still showing up, still getting things done”… that’s probably you.
Disappointment doesn’t always look like falling apart. Sometimes it looks like carrying on while something inside you quietly went numb.
If you’ve felt behind this year—even while telling everyone you’re grateful—you’re not broken. You’re human.
You don’t have to be over it yet.
The other night, I sat down to write a small PDF about this… and it turned into a 55-page ebook.
It’s called The Dreamer’s Sacred Return, and I want you to have it—for free.
I wrote this for the version of me who was still functioning—but not free.
Inside the ebook, I walk through:
how to heal disappointment instead of bypassing it
how God restores identity after loss
why purification always precedes purpose
what to do when dreams feel delayed or confusing
how to return to the part of you that still believes
God says He restores the years the locusts stole. I’ve watched Him do it in me. And I want that for you.
I truly hope you download it—not because it’s something I made, but because I want you walking into next year healed, restored, and free.
I have big plans for us. And freedom is the foundation for everything we were created to do.
👉🏽 ❤️🔥 Download The Dreamer’s Sacred Return (free)
love you, mean it!
xx Lindsey Eryn
P.S. If this year cracked something open in you, this is for you. Don’t rush past the healing. It’s sacred.