i chased someone else’s dream and ended up exhausted—here’s what i learned

the cliff notes: success is connected to purpose

Sep 03, 2024

you know that gnawing frustration, the kind that keeps you up at night, wondering why all your hard work isn’t translating into the happiness or satisfaction you thought it would? it’s a familiar feeling, especially when everyone around you seems to be hitting incredible milestones. the truth is, many of us are running a race we never signed up for, chasing goals that don’t actually belong to us. we’re pursuing dreams shaped by societal expectations, social media hype, or the pressure to keep up with the joneses. no wonder we’re exhausted and unfulfilled—because we’re not living out our own purpose.

if you’re going to experience true fulfillment for your dreams, ideas, and visions this season, you’ve got to do one thing first: reset the metrics of success. yeah, i said it. and no, i’m not talking about tweaking your goals in your planner or giving your instagram bio a fresh coat of paint. i’m talking about a full-on, marie kondo-style purge of what you think success should look like. because if i’ve learned anything in the past few years, it’s that success isn’t one-size-fits-all. there’s no magical, one-sentence definition that you can stamp on every life. as zig ziglar once said, success is made up of many things. but let’s be real: in our culture, we’ve gotten a little too comfortable with the idea that success equals fame, wealth, and a pinterest-perfect lifestyle.

we’ve been sold the idea that you’re only successful if:

you’re famous (and if you’ve been on a reality show, even better).
you’ve got a social media following that could fill a stadium.
you’re so rich that your bank account has its own entourage.
you’re driving a car that costs more than most people’s houses, and your private jet is just waiting on the tarmac.
you’re constantly in the spotlight, receiving accolades, and getting featured in every hot podcast and interview.

it’s like we’ve boiled down success to two things: power and money. but let me tell you, that’s a recipe for burnout and dissatisfaction.

the great misconception of success

here’s the kicker: when we let culture define success for us, we end up short-changing ourselves. we miss out on celebrating our own wins because we’re too busy measuring them against someone else’s yardstick. and that yardstick? it’s often so warped, it might as well be part of a carnival funhouse.

when you adopt someone else’s definition of success, you get distracted. you start chasing after things that might help you fit in better with society’s expectations, but they ultimately pull you away from what you were truly meant to do. and that’s where the frustration really kicks in—it’s like trying to run a marathon in someone else’s shoes. they don’t fit, and they give you blisters along the way.

success is connected to purpose

here’s the undeniable truth: success is connected to purpose. every one of us is here for a reason. we’ve got our own unique journey, our own set of skills, talents, and dreams. and while our stories are interconnected—yes, we need each other to get to where we’re going—we’re not all headed to the same destination.

imagine two kids, each with different skills and talents. the teacher gives them two different tasks. kid a is asked to build railroad tracks, and kid b is asked to build a train. they can help each other when needed, but they’ve got distinct missions.

but then kid a starts looking over at kid b’s project and thinks, “hey, building a train looks way cooler and will probably get me more praise.” so, kid a ditches the railroad tracks and starts building a train too, trying to prove they can do it just as well as kid b. when the teacher comes back to check their work, both kids have built something. but who actually succeeded? kid b—the one who fulfilled their purpose.

kid a? sure, they built a train, but they missed the mark. they didn’t do what they were meant to do. and as a result, they ended up exhausted, frustrated, and feeling out of place.

stay on task and true to your purpose

here’s the lesson: we’ve got to stay on task. if we want to see success in our lives—real, soul-satisfying success—we’ve got to be intentional about working towards our purpose. we can’t get distracted by the shiny things that promise recognition or praise. because success doesn’t work like that. it’s not about how loud you can shout your accomplishments; it’s about how faithfully you can walk your path.

success is the accomplishment of one’s goals, but here’s the catch: those goals have to be yours, not someone else’s.

a couple of years ago, i found myself in this very trap. i was in a transition season, eager to reach success, and the girl boss movement was in full swing. every female entrepreneur on the internet seemed to be talking about making millions, flying in private jets, and buying beachfront condos. so naturally, i set a goal to make a million dollars in a year.

i knew it would take work, and i wasn’t afraid of that. i crunched numbers, made a plan, and dove in headfirst. but a few months in, i was utterly exhausted—mentally, physically, spiritually. the more i thought about it, the more i realized—i didn’t actually want what i was working so hard to achieve. selling e-courses and doing webinars for the rest of my life? no, thanks. exploiting my success to get others to jump on my bandwagon? hard pass.

i started asking myself, “why is making a million dollars my goal right now?” the truth? it wasn’t because i needed that much money. it wasn’t because i had kids to feed or bills that required that kind of cash. it was because i wanted to feel successful, and i had bought into the idea that success meant hitting that million-dollar mark before 30. thanks, forbes 30 under 30, for the unnecessary pressure.

but here’s the thing: that goal wasn’t going to make me happy or fulfilled. it was going to make me tired, stressed, and disconnected from the things that really matter. because success—true success—doesn’t beg for recognition or exploit its achievements. true success is humble. true success builds you up; it doesn’t tear you down.

redefining success: the third metric

i love what arianna huffington said about success. she talks about how we’ve traditionally measured success with two metrics: money and power. but she argues that we need a third metric, one that’s made up of well-being, wisdom, wonder, and giving. that’s a success i can get behind.

for me, success isn’t just about money and influence. yes, those things are important, and they’re valid ways to measure progress. but they’re not the only things that matter. success, for me, looks like:

growing prosperous and influential in a sustainable, life-giving way.
fulfilling my God-given purpose.
enjoying the work i do and being proud of what i create.
ending the day with peace, celebrating my progress instead of comparing myself to others.
building strong, meaningful relationships and not doing this life alone.
prioritizing God, loving people well, and eliminating hurry from my life.
growing in wisdom and generosity.
cultivating curiosity and creativity.

because what’s the point of making all the money in the world if, in the process, you lose your health, your relationships, and your joy? what’s the point of achieving everything on your bucket list if you don’t enjoy any of it along the way?

the power of redefining success

over the past few years, i’ve taken the time to redefine success for myself. i’ve reset my metrics—not against what culture says, but against what truly matters to me. i’ve learned to celebrate my wins, no matter how small they might seem to someone else. i’ve learned to live a life that’s slow and purposeful, that takes care of my spirit, mind, and body. i’ve learned to enjoy the work i do and to be proud of what i put into the world.

and let me tell you, i’ve never felt more successful. i’ve never been more proud of myself. the change in metrics didn’t give me permission to slack off—it gave me the freedom to chase my dreams in a way that’s sustainable, fulfilling, and true to who i am. and as a result, i’ve built the capacity to do more, to work harder, and to achieve more than i ever thought possible.

success is a journey, not a destination

here’s the thing: success is a journey. it builds upon itself. the success you have today lays the foundation for tomorrow’s achievements. but it’s all a process. part of reaching new levels of success is learning to work and create according to where you are right now—not where you ideally want to be.

yes, it’s good to set scary goals. but make sure they’re attainable. too often, we fail to reach success because we’re aiming for the wrong goal. we’re so caught up in other people’s definitions of success that we lose sight of our own. and we get lost in the confusion of what we should be working towards.

so, here’s the deal: if we want to experience the fulfillment of our dreams, ideas, and promises this season—if we want to reach new levels of success—we’ve got to reset how we measure success. we’ve got to stop buying into the idea that success is all about money, power, and influence. success is so much more than that. it’s multifaceted, layered, and deeply personal.

the takeaway

so, what would happen if we changed our metrics of success this season? if we stopped viewing success as just money, power, and influence, and started asking ourselves deeper questions:

do i enjoy what i’m doing? am i proud of what i’m creating?
is what i’m doing impacting others and leaving a legacy?
am i building strong relationships and connections along the way?
am i staying true to myself and listening to my inner voice?
am i moving with empathy and finding solutions to others’ needs?
is the work i’m doing aligned with my purpose?

i’m convinced that if we start redefining success on our own terms, we’ll go further than we ever imagined. we’ll exceed our own expectations. and i can say that with confidence because i’ve lived it. i may not have made the forbes 30 under 30 list, but i’m proud of the person i’ve become. i’m proud of my successes, my battle wounds, and the journey i’m on.

so, as we move forward this season, let’s be mindful of how we’re measuring success. let’s make sure our definition is well-rounded, intentional, and deeply personal. because when all is said and done, i want you to be able to look back and say, “job well done.”

this season is yours for the taking. let your successes build upon one another, because you’re capable of great things. so let’s get out there and make some magic happen—because there’s magic in our bones.

now go out there, live on purpose, and create with intention. the world is waiting for what only you can bring.

xx lindsey eryn